GIMMEE FIVE!

In an effort to stay on task and keep momentum moving me along the path towards my next solo effort (which seems to be taking an elephant's age to accomplish) and instead of trolling through CB2 to look for furniture I cannot afford, here is a short sketch of some observations that I made whilst out on the town auditioning yesterday. Now if I could only get a callback...

busy casting office
short, tense woman in cargo pants and a fake tan marches in with her six year old in tow.

Lucas, go take your pictcha mommy'll sign you in. Go! C'mon we gotta be over for the Kraft audition in an hour!

(to everyone in the room) Oh my God! We were on the Verazzano for like 20 minutes coming in here and he's got another one right after this and we have to get ready for a shoot tomorrow. These kids! Right honey?! Right! You my big super star?! Yeah! You gonna make us a lot of money?! Yeah?! Gimmee five! Yeah!

Okay honey go sit over... oh i guess there's no room for you - all these people are sitting here - I guess there's no room for a kid - oh THANK YOU! Thank you hon! Love the highlights! Sit down there honey that nice lady made room for you. Look isn't she pretty? Maybe she'll play your mommy, huh?! Huh?! You wanna new mommy?! Look at'im! He's like, YES! You want to take a look at the script? You sure? You might want to take a look at it because they want you to know what you're doing. You want to know what you're doing, right? Right? Lucas, look at me, look at mommy, LOOK AT MOMMY. Remember what we talked about? Bugsy's a great doggy and we love him but having a dog comes with special big boy responsibilities and we don't want to have to give him away right? Right? Right? Look at me Lucas. LUCAS.

Okay,no? You want your PSP? Okay but you gotta take a look at it before you go in. Just think of Bugsy. Okay.

(she turns and looks - recognizing someone)

OH MY GAWD! BOB! BOB PHILLIPS! IT'S ME DENISE! YEAH! YEAH!

We met on that one shoot - oh GOD! What WAS it?!

(searching her mind)

It wasn't Burger King, was it Carnival Cruise Lines? No! AT&T! Yeah, that was it! And it was POURING rain! POURING!

(looks down at a little boy) Hi Michael! Gosh you've grown so fast! You're like a bean! You gonna audition today? Yeah?! Good luck! Gimmee five! Yeah!

Mommy's talking right now babe -

OH MY GOD Michael! You're hair's gotten lighter - it's so different.

No it was definitely darker before.

No it definitely was.

No, it was - IT WAS. Trust me, I was there! Ha!

WHAT IS IT LUKE?!

(grabs some sides hands them over to him)

Here

So anyway - wow GOD! It was POURING RAIN that day. God I can't believe it! You look good Bob, did you loose weight? Well you look great. Highlights? No? Just a sec -

(door opens casting director walks out)

Oh, hiii! Denise Peters, Luke's mom. Now Luke has a scratch and some stitches over his eyebrow - you can notice it it's kinda big-n-ugly right now - but the stitches are coming out tomorrow and with a little make-up it's nothin'. We've got a shoot tomorrow even. But I just wanted you to know. The stitches are coming out tomorrow and that should be gone by the shoot. Okay? Okay?? THANKS!

(to everyone in the room) The director said they'd just put a band-aid on it because he's a kid. Thank God! I don't know. Half the people love his faux-hawk half the people hate it. I personally think its totally cool, right dude?! Right Lukie?! Luke, Luke - right?! These games are like crack cocaine i swear, right?! Right Lukie?! Gimmee Five! Alright!! You gonna bring home the bacon?! Yeah!

Keep On The Sunny Side

debbie downer me: Hey Ann. How are you?

sunny side me: Um, AWESOME?! How else should i feel?

ddm: Why don't you take a minute to really think about this...

ssm: Okay... Yep! I'm good! Things are great. I'm working on my next show - slowly but surely. I've been writing new pieces for new characters AND I just auditioned for a movie last night! It was my first movie audition!

ddm: You were the only one who had to audition from the reading though.

ssm: I don't know, was i? isn't it great to even be thought of at all though?

ddm: i think if you really wrack your brains and get comfortable with the darkness inside, like the southern alcoholic side of the family, you'll realize that things, well - they are actually really shitty.

ssm: Why because i have to poop?

ddm: No, you just took care of that.

ssm: Yeah, i did! Ahhhh! I feel so relieved! Like a great burden has been lifted! I'm FREE!

ddm: - I actually meant shitty emotionally. Like - YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER shitty.

ssm: Ugh, God. What a downer.

ddm: That's what i do.

ssm: Apparently. God, you must be the life of the party.

ddm: Not really.

ssm: I was being sarcastic.

ddm: oh.

ssm: You remind me of Eeyore.
ddm: pretty much.

ssm: Listen, things aren't so bad.

ddm: Hmph!

ssm: Well, I know you worry a LOT about whether people like you/approve of you/think you are talented. You worry a LOT about whether or not you're a success. You spend a LOT of your time just WORRYING. What if I told you that none of that mattered?

ddm: Who are you, the 'Giant Within'?

ssm: Actually...

ddm: It MUST MATTER!

ssm: But it DOESN'T. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL!

ddm: Oh God, someone's been watching Oprah.

ssm: You don't have any control over anything, or anyone - except yourself. Except your own choices, your own mind, your own actions. YOU get to decide what you think of yourself because, whether you get it or not - your own opinion of yourself is the only one that matters. And it matters so, so much what you think of yourself because it's the only self you will ever have in this world! This is it, you know? Also - obviously this whole 'woe is me' thing isn't really working for you.

ddm: It's really not... OMG.

ssm: What?

ddm: That feels kind of good to realize.

ssm: Guess what?

ddm: What?

ssm: IT'S TRUE!

ddm: Whoa, wait a sec -

ssm: You're having a conversation with yourself on a type-pad!

ddm: Hey, be patient, I'm learning.

ssm: Sorry, your right. I'll try to be more patient.

ssm: We're the same person, see? So - you have it in you to be happy because all that happy talk was actually - YOU.

ddm: Yes. But it's not that easy.

ssm: It is and it isn't. It isn't easy to get out of the dumps sometimes and see the light at the end of the tunnel of your sad thoughts. But if you are determined to bravely look into the light, and see the alternative - it can be pretty easy to accept the good. Because it feels better than feeling bad! It also helps if you have a friend.

ddm: Like you?

ssm: Yes! I am your friend!

ddm: Thanks!

ssm: Your welks. I'll help you. We'll work on it together.

ddm: Hey, at least we're not clinically depressed, right?

ssm: Really? That's your attempt at being happy?

ddm: Well, it's a start.

ssm: Also, you have a WONDERFUL boyfriend who loves you and cares for you and feeds you dumplings and pats your belly.

ddm: Yeah. He's awesome. And I have an amazing best friend who gets me like nobody else and ALWAYS knows the right thing to say. In fact, I can see her influence in you, i mean me.

ssm: You're looking sunnier by the minute kid.

ddm: Thanks gurl.

ssm: You're my homie.

ddm: Hey -

ssm: Hm?

ddm: You're pretty cool, we should hang out more often.

ssm: I'd like that. But can we have a rule?

ddm: Okay, what?

ssm: We only say nice things to eachoter, no trash talk allowed - and on special occasions, like today, treat ourselves to jamoca almond fudge ice cream on a sugar cone.

ddm: Deal!

ssm: Let's hug it out.

ddm: That's kind of weird, we're in the office.

ssm: C'mon! Who cares?!

ddm: Oh Okay.

ddm: (sighs) I love hugs.

ssm: I know. Me too.

beach book

i love books. also - i love the beach. guess what's gonna happen?! the two are gonna come together and make my life AMAZING next week. i'm bound for the beach with my beau in tow. i'll also be bearing a bag of books. one of the things that makes me so happy is taking an extremely long lunch hour on a warm day such as this and strolling the aisles of Barnes & Noble. i would be loftier and visit a local book-seller if that existed, but alas. i don't think they exist anymore, do you? i believe they have gone the way of the local coffee shop and the local porn store. i purchased 'the time traveler's wife' for a ridiculous amount. the book is in paperback and doesn't even have one of those yummy nubby covers that i love to slide my hand over and over. it's just a plain paperback. but i'm excited for it. and i can't wait to pop a cold one, get deliciously numb, and sink into it. one of the other things that i love about the beach is the drawl of the ocean creepy crawling into the recesses of your brain so that it becomes as regular as the womb. this calms me. i got anxious last night wondering if my mother would still be impressed with my handful of commercials since Ed Norton's aunt moved in next door. I know my sister won't be. she's hard to please. it was bothering me so much this morning. but then i thought - why? because i care too much what they think, that's why. and i need to care a lot more about what i think. this is what i spend $65 a week on. i forgot to mention that my family is going to be at the beach. it will be nice to see them - but i always get too anxious about how they will judge me. and it's tiresome. good thing i have a book to escape to. books and beer. YUM.