MASCARA MOUNTAIN

Here's something I'm super, super proud of. I made it with the amazing Adira Amram, Sara Schaefer, Katina Corrao, and Becky Yamamoto. Sara directed it and was the brains behind a lot of the funny moments. Andy Stuckey (Stuckey & Murray) shot most of it, and there are some hilarious cameos by Matt McCarthy, Brandy Barber, Jon Friedman, Bram Muller, John F. O'Donnell, Dan Allen, and Billy Wood. Tony Carnevale did the silky smooth with a peppering of husky voice-over. Thanks also to Lora Lee, Adira's mom, for opening her home to us and feeding us delicious foods!! Please vote (funny!) and pass it on to some chums if you like it.

unremarkable

i've been tagged by Eliza, so now i have to list 6 unremarkable quirks about myself. i've been avoiding this precisely because of what Eliza sites in her post about quirks being inherently remarkable. and also i'm lazy.

so, these are my 6 unremarkable quirks:

1. when I attend a movie, i cast myself in that movie and participate as such, much to the chagrin of Warren and probably all audience members. whether it's to cheer a character on: (literally, while clapping hands) 'YAY!!!!!' or lend moral support: "oh, honey". or fiercely admonish: "you bastard!". maybe i wasn't cast in your little movie, but i feel that shit.

2. i cry when i leave my mom. this habit began as a child upon leaving my grandmama's house. i would actually take a kleenex tissue and wave it to her, sobbing as we left. much to my embarrassment, and i sometimes think to my mother's as well (though she would never admit it)i have resumed this tradition after most visits home. sans tissue this time though. baby steps.

3. ever since i discovered the term 'chicago smile' and what it pertains to (i think it was a scene in Miller's Crossing) - i will look at a curb and imagine the violent scene and cringe as if in pain, while holding my mouth.

4. i tend to hold grudges. sometimes i remember an exchange from years ago and play out the scene the way i wish it would have gone. what's really sort of disappointing is that even in my fantasy dialogue, i end up feeling like a schmuck. perhaps that's sort of a given when you enact a scene between yourself and yourself to the mirror in your bedroom, alone, in your underwear, with dirty pits.

5. do past quirks count? i am counting this one even though I DON'T DO THIS ANYMORE. - when i was little and took ballet classes, i used to love to come home, go into my room, take of my slippers, put the inside to my nose, and inhale deeply. then i would sit indian style and smell my crotch (leotard still on folks don't be gross).

6. i pick up pennies, make wishes on eyelashes and birthday candles and get too excited when i see a wishing well.

Tag you're it!

Jen MacNeil

Jenny Rubin

Sara Schaefer

Carolyn Castiglia

Brandy Barber

Mindy Raf


The rules are as follows:

* Link the person who tagged you
* Mention the rules in your blog
* Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours
* Tag six following bloggers by linking them
* Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

and we're back

back from iowa. i woke up every morning to a symphony of birds outside my window. there were layers and layers of their pretty birdie songs. i could have been snow white. except they'd probably peck my eyes out.

it was good to get out of the city and see some family that i hardly get to see anymore. i often caught myself wondering why that was. logically i know that all of us fell into certain routines of distance after my parents split. i have to say all of us because even though it started with the grown ups, the kids eventually followed suit. you can live in the same small city and never see each other (unfortunately with little question on my part). it was so good to see them. my blood. my ties that bind. they are all part of my story and i'm part of theirs. my younger cousin who i've always shared a kindred spirit with is a grown man now with a beautiful family... but i will always see him as a little boy with big brown eyes full of life and spirit and joy. that's a gift. so fuck routines of distance. our time here on earth is too short to waste being oblivious to how lucky we are to be thrown here together, a family.

my heartland

i'm leavin' on a jet plane for iowa tomorrow morning. bright. and early. specifically, i'm going to iowa city, the town i was born and raised in. it is my town. even though my parents don't live there anymore. they say you can't go home again. i find this to be true. home is a time and a place and times and places change. so home changes. so you can't go home again - at least to the same home.

i woke up this morning and the first thought in my head, i kid you not, was of Ashton Kutcher. Mr. Kutcher grew up not far from my town. one of the small farming communities (does anyone really farm anymore? maybe in iowa, though i think it's probably all corporate now). anyway, yes, the first thought in my head was of this beautiful man from iowa. then i thought that he is around my age or younger than me. then i thought of him sleeping in bed with his older wife. i wonder if she is beautiful in the morning? maybe her age shows, but he finds her beautiful anyway. ah no - she's had work done - she's probably high and tight y'all. i wonder if they have a wild sex life? i bet. then i thought: though he's not very talented, he's a smart business minded man (engineering major) who is producing a lot of television shows and other stuff. and then i thought 'i wish i had a head for business and a bod for sin.' then i marveled at how he is way, way up in the stratosphere and i'm still hacking away. then i got anxious about going back to the land of corn and cattle and good men and women. and now it's 10:17 pm and i'm still packing. the mind is a funny thing. and it can make you feel like you are going crazy.

here's the thing. i'm where i'm at. perhaps i'm not comfortable right this moment. but who says everything has to be perfect? letting things hit you in the center of your heart. breathing deeply and holding on to the truth of this millisecond, even if it's a truth you want to reject. that's the real deal folks. i'm trying to remember that. i'm trying to remember that just because i might not be hitting all the marks i've idealized in my head, it doesn't mean i'm not progressing (at a snail's pace - just kidding!) . and you know what? that DOES count for something. also, it helps me not want to vomit up my soul.