1. I'm at a job where it is so quiet, and so boring, that i can literally hear the air. This is no joke. I wish it were.
2. Someone told me they LOVE doing expense reports, and they were serious.
3. And I'm thinking of going into the ladies bathroom stall and having a good cry because I can hear my dreams dying, like the slow fart of a once robust red balloon as it deflates. Finally coming to rest on an oil slick smeared with rotten cabbage and pidgeon poop.
I don't have to be sad though! Because you know what? I'm getting paid to pop a squat ladies and gentlemen! Well, not literally but, well basically. I eat a LOT of fiber. So, I'm a seat warmer! And you know what seat warmers do?! They watch an excessive amount of Paula Deen Youtube videos! When the goin' is tough, and let me tell you - I sure have seen my fair share of roughage, ladies and gents - it's time to turn the channel to the one woman who can wrap you up in a blanket of butter and make you believe everything's gonna be okay:
1 comments:
Listen, Ann - don't overdo it with the butter. Just cook the lobster in it, take a shot of it, and then later when you go to bed, rub it all over yourself like lotion. I don't want you to get sick.
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