the core of it

going upstate to Adira's to shoot Mascara Mountain tonight - a spoof on such shows as Lipstick Jungle and the like. i think we are going to be a chilly group as the weather forecast is predicting little sun and rain clouds. hope to get some good footage out of it though. i'm excited to see what we can come up with.

i've been churning the idea for a new show in my brain. and even though it's been slightly torturous, it's so uplifting that all these friends who have their own artistic endeavors (Jon, Sara!) offer their aid and attention to me. i met with the generous and very talented Ms. Eliza Skinner last night to talk about plotting out the show. it's been slow going and i feel a bit like molasses. but she really helped me to think things out and we spoke about a core or spine for the show (awesome!). it was really cool. it really helped to talk outside of my own head and that Eliza has good ideas - she's so smart!

what came up for me - and what i ruminate on weekly if not daily - is the division i feel inside of wanting to reach my dream to be a successful working actor while at the same time feeling the encroachment of time and not wanting to loose out on the dream to one day be a mommy, and have a family to call my own. it's possible that this inner contest was lit anew when i went to the GYNO the other day (lovingly illustrated in the post below). it occured to me that this division sort of mirrors a public me and a private me and then Eliza said - it would be interesting to see that in the show with your characters! and then i said oooh yeah!

it was a good meeting. and then i came home and watched Dame Helen Mirren on Charlie Rose (i am becoming a yuppy) saying that the best performers bring themselves to a role but how that's very hard for actors because we are always comparing ourselves to other actors. and i thought 'shit - even Ms. Helen Mirren does that!. awesome. now I just need to get me a movie deal and an illustrious career to soothe the sting of my bouts of actor on actor jealousy.